Same Old Story, Birds Lose to Saints

Just when you want to believe in the Eagles. The lesson? Don't. Season after season, after year, after decade, they never fail to disappoint. Just like the Flyers (uh, Forsberg?), just like the Phillies (wild-card ambitions, forget a Word Series), just like the Sixers (no longer allowed on the map). But, all considered, at least they kept it a close contest and provided an "entertaining thought" of a Super Bowl run.


Even though they bit the dust post-season wise, it's still hard not to be proud of 'em. Not too many banked confidence in these guys once Super 5, Chunky Soup, Momma's Boy Donovan McNabb went down after one of the most primadonna injuries I've ever seen (did you see the way he fell? It's all-most as if he had planned the whole thing all along!). Jeff Garcia did an admirable job filling in for Donovan and managing the team on and off the field as a leader. The coaches also did a great job on offense finally incorporating a balanced pass/run attack. Hell, if anything, that just makes us more dangerous next year if Andy Reid is willing to run the offense the same way he did with Garcia in at Quarterback (meaning not throwing the ball forty-some times a game).

Just as interesting is what's going to happen to Jeff now that the Eagles are done for the year. Hopefully he'll re-sign with the team and back-up McNabb once more (no Quarterback controversy... spare me). There's been rumour that he'll go to the Vikings, but take that with a grain of salt as that comes from the same people who suggest Donovan might be traded to Minnesota ... obviously, they're still not over losing Daunte Culpepper (who by the way, was tremendous for the Dolphins this year). I just pray - whatever he does, he doesn't end up with Detroit again, talk about being between a rock and hard place.

In light of all that gibberish, you gotta root for the Saints. Not much more of a feel-good story going on than those guys. Certainly not for Mike Vanderjagt, not only did he lose his job with the Cowboys ... but also had to endure Adam Vinatieri looking like the almighty Zeus for the Colts and their fans earlier today against the Ravens [accounted for all the scoring with five field-goals]. Tough luck Mike, tough luck. Maybe one day you'll get another opportunity to prove yourself as a ... ah, nevermind.

Warning: Idiot kicker in active pursuit of work, avoid at all costs.

Big E Is BACK!

And the moment we've all been waiting for....... again; at least the Eric Lindros fans anyway (are you guys still out there... anyone?). The Big E made his return to the Dallas Stars after an absence of seven games with a rib injury, he logged seventeen minutes ice-time and an assist to go along with it - and hell, that's enough to excite the big man's followers these days. Ol' Lindy hasn't played any more than thirty-nine games since his 2003-2004 season with New York Rangers. So far with the Stars, in addition to the recent rib problem, he has also suffered a foot injury causing another missed seven games. However, he's steered clear up his biggest, baddest, meanest enemy of all time - no, not Bobby Clarke you fool, concussions~!

I always breathe a sigh of relief when I see this man on the injury report - and it turns out to be something OTHER than a concussion (yes, that is quite sad, but that's how bad it's gotten). Being a native Philadelphian, and one of the few who still admires the man, I've received more than the brunt end of that joke trying to defend Lindros.

However, I remain - somewhat stupidly, optimistic about what he can accomplish. Despite his persistent injury bug, the Stars have lost leaders Mike Modano and Brendan Morrow - and could use an offensive spike from Lindros right now. If he was ever going to step it up in his new home (which hopefully, he'll continue to call "home" for more than just one season *cough* Toronto *cough*) now is as good as time as he'll ever get to do it.

After all the support I've thrown out to the guy over the years, maybe he'll start to back up my words once more - or else I'll just have to shut up and jump on the Sidney Crosby bandwagon; and I don't wanna do that.

Be a Man, Be a Man

As if you couldn't allready tell the immense influence the "Macho Man" Randy Savage had on this 'lil blog of mine. Well, there's more~! And we're talking about the lesser known.. or lesser heard side of the Macho. That's right, his one of a kind, bestseller (sold over 400 copies by the way, most coming from New York.. wassupwitdat!?), oozing machismo hip-hop album: Be a Man. Leeeettt's get ready to RUMMMMBBBLEEEE (or tumble, as the Macho one might rhyme it, quite horribly)!




And there, now you've seen the album cover. Glad we got that out of the way. So, what about the music? Yes, let me give you the rundown of this baby.. since no one else has the grapefruits.. or the tolerance enough, to do it. Don't worry, I actually like some of these songs.

Tracklisting:
1) Intro
2) I'm Back
3) Ru Ready
4) Hit the Floor
5) Let's Get It On
6) Remember Me
7) Tear It Up
8) Macho Thang
9) Be a Man
10) Get Back
11) Feel the Madness
12) What's That All About
13) Gonna Be Trouble
14) Perfect Friend

Intro - Here we have the Macho acting out his actual "signing" to a record label (not a bright, nor a famous one) and pretending it was covered by the press... television-esque press, that is, not the cheesy little pro wrestling websites with a bunch of plagiarizing pansies drooling over their newest edition of WWE Magazine featuring the latest piece of eye-candy on the very misleading cover.

I'm Back - And the second pretender makes it's way on to the album, yes, allready. The Macho one claims people on the street say "Randy, you the illest". I bet, Randy, I bet. He also states "I'm back with a vengeance, and got good chemistry"..... LIES! ALL LIES!

Ru Ready (yes, it's really spelled that way) - This one was actually viable enough to be used by TNA as the theme to their weekly show "Impact!" ... for about three weeks, after that, I just can't explain what happened. Maybe they received a wake-up call - or death threats from the fans "if I have to hear that one more time!"? Who knows.

Hit the Floor - I suppose this was going to be the "club-banger"... but I don't think anyone played it, at any club, whatsoever. Maybe at one of those crazy 8th grade "my parents are out for the week, let's party!" events. But that's not where you want to be garnering attention, is it? No, not unless you're Aaron Carter (Remember him? No? Good).

Let's Get It On - This one is basically just a promotion of the Macho one's strength, brutality, and things like that. If only you could believe it. A fifty year old man who wears spandex and lathers himself with tanning lotion for a living does not scare me, no sir.

Remember Me - This one is pretty self-explanatory, you have the opening chorus: "How could you forget me? Forget all about me?" I'm guessing you can come up with the answer to that one.

Tear It Up - Bland.

Be a Man - Ah yes, if you've heard about any of these tracks before, it was this one. If you haven't, sure, I'll tell you why. This is the expertly crafted track where Randy takes a shot at his arch-nemesis and sworn enemy for life, Hulk Hogan. He shouts: "You been runnin' from Macho like I got a disease", hey Randy, maybe you do. And at this point, I don't think anyone's taking the Macho Man's side here. After all, Hulk stars in the uber-cool VH1 reality TV show "Hogan Knows Best." Where's Randy? Rumours say he'll be on the Surreal Life next season. But, note to Randy: The Surreal Life isn't a testament to your popularity - it's your testifying "why yes, I am a has-been desperate for notoriety. Thanks VH1!"

Get Back - It's a duplicate of "Tear It Up" and an echo of all-most every other song on the album. Bottom line: don't mess with Randy Savage ("messin' with Randy Savage - you're insane in the brain!")

Feel the Madness - I believe this song is defined by the line "All the ladies in the front, shake your derriere". Madness, indeed.

What's That All About - This gem here is about the Macho Man's relationship woes. I know, can you believe it (yes, despite the upcoming question mark.. it is rhetorical)? But hey, it's a nice break from his over-the-top self-promotion, eh? It also has a nice bass sound goin' on ... yeah.

Gonna Be Trouble - See: "Get Back".

Perfect Friend - A heartfelt tribute to the late, great Curt Hennig (better known as Mr. Perfect during his early 90's run with the WWF, then again in the early 2000's after the demise of WCW). Unfortunately, although this song is well intentioned and actually holds meaning unlike the other thirteen pieces on the album; it puts more of a damper on Curt's career than necessary. Nice try Macho.


And that brings us to the end of the album. For most, it's an impeccable journey through the mid-life crisis of Randy Savage. For others... well, it's the same for everybody, there's no denying it. If you wasted your fifteen bucks on this CD, the good news is it's all-most a collector's item by now... or at least I hope so, for your sake. And if not, at least you get to empathize with me ... even if I don't exactly regret buying this puppy, believe it or not.

Lord Steven Strikes Again

I just can't get enough of this guy, honestly. Steven Seagal is known, aside from his loyal followers (the Stevenites, as I like to call them... as of half a minute ago), as an old fat talentless oaf; churning out straight-to-DVD releases like Correll Buckhalter tears knee ligaments (okay, that was a little harsh - by the way, congratulations on playing sixteen games this season, Correll).

So, what did "The Great One" manage this time? No, he didn't abuse his stuntman. No, he didn't come out with his own cheesy brand of energy drinks called "Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt". No, he didn't choose to co-star in a movie with an over-the-top hip-hop artist turned martial artist. However, he did see fit to take a trip to Canada to pitch a line of skin care and anti-aging products for the famous (not really) Doctor David M. Vesco, the so-called "father of the antioxidant theory” (stimulates the mind, doesn't it?).

At this point, you all-most don't even bother to ask yourself "WHY?!?". As Steven sees, Steven does. After all, if this guy can save South African Baby Elephants from being exported to every edge of the world (I asked myself why, then too), then he can do just about anything.


Although Steven and skin-care go together about just as well as gasoline, a lighter, and a severely depressed Aaron Carter - it's hard not to admire the man's ability to just keep going. When you've put the Energizer Bunny to shame, by god that's the day you've accomplished something, eh? And so goes another chapter in the twisted plot that is the life of Steven Seagal (anybody written a biography on this guy yet, or would it just be a waste considering more goodies are still to come?). This one will go right next to his venture into becoming a world-renowned blues musician (skills that rival Bruce Willis, no doubt) and his story concerning the "mystical dog that saved the dojo from burning down". Only time will tell what the Aikido Master comes up with next, it's hard to believe it's only going to get worse as time goes on - don't worry, he's 55 and packs more than a little meat; just enjoy his never-ending downward spiral while you still can.

Who's Next?!? (shades of Bill Goldberg, but don't tell anybody else that)

First of all (before anything else that is), I just have to address Mr. Tony Romo for royally screwing up once again. I'm not so found of this guy as of recent, first he manslaughters my fantasy team in the PLAYOFFS~! (Marion Barber too, thanks a lot crackerjacker). Well anyway, I'm sure my boy Koy Detmer showed babyface how holding the goddamned football is done. Way to go Koy, and David Akers - we all know some other kickers would of choked and shanked it to the right *cough* Vanderjagt *cough*. "Most accurate kicker in NFL history" not looking so hot now, eh?.... Yeah, I know I'm late at that; but I just can't resist taking a shot at the Cowboys at this point in time. Better luck next year, fellas.

And uhhhh..... those EAGLES~! I'm somewhat disappointed they let the Giants stick around like that. The play in the first quarter sure was enough to scare a few people, thank God for the defense... which magically re-appeared out of nowhere after a woeful start (to the season). It'll be fasssssccciinnnating to see what Jeff Garcia can do against the Saints. I've been rooting for the Saints since the beginning of the season so this is a bit of an interesting matchup, eh? But I ultimately have to jump on the home-team bandwagon just a liiitttlle bit. Gotta tip the 'ol hat to Andy Reid though, thanks for giving up the offensive play calling to Marty Mornhinweg. If he hadn't done that, Garcia would be slinging the ball out there like it was nobody's business, and he definitely wouldn't look nowhere near as good as he does at the moment. Something like a Brett Favre of last season, and that's not pretty... not that he was that pretty this season either; although he did win the NFL's sexiest man award, courtesy of FOX Sports - how 'bout that, eh? I won't be surprised if I see the big man in a cialis commercial soon, the way he's going with "hollywood" deal - seriously, anyone see that great battery commercial he starred in. He made those things look good, although I forgot the brand name... but whatever.

Whoops, looks like I let my Green Bay Packers fetish get the better of me. Anywho, since the ol' Eagles have made it this far - I'm willing to bet they're gonna get whizopped this week at New Orleans. It just seems far too fortunate for a Philly sports team's luck to go that far. Although we've been a bit more charmed (yes, charmed. Am I running out of synonyms for "fortunate"? yes, yes I am) with the Birds over the past couple of years - it's still Philadelphia. Just look at the Sixers (thrown to the wolves, and then some), the Flyers (what the hell happened?!?!), and yeah - even the Phillies (admit it, disappointment is their forte, Ryan Howard or not).

So yeah, we're sure to lose next week barring an unforeseen visit from God and the thirteen apostles. But it's been fun while it lasted, aside from the drunks I've had to deal with whom drown themselves in a torrent of beer and alcohol right next door at the bar; that's never fun. Anyway, here's to hoping Koy Detmer once again dawns his superman tee-shirt in pre-game warm-ups and shows the world (and Tony Romo) that he's the best damned ball holder in the business. Get 'em KOY~!

I just had to pilfer this bad boy from some other guy's Koy Detmer worship blog. It speaks the truth, you know.